


And I know the yearning will always remain

by Kavat



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), M/M, kathryn pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22320454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kavat/pseuds/Kavat
Summary: Kathryn drops off Phil and Dan at the train station.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 136





	And I know the yearning will always remain

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [Young Love by Moto Boy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRlDv5okGS0)

It's Christmas eve. Kathryn is in the driver's seat humming along to some new pop star rendition of White Christmas. Phil is sitting next to her in the passenger seat, eyes peeled on his phone, then out the window, then back to his phone. He thinks she doesn’t notice, but she does. She’s been keeping a closer eye on him lately.

There’s something about that Dan boy. Said boy who has been visiting a whole lot lately and is now sitting in her backseat, as she’s driving them into Manchester and the train station.

Kathryn is not letting herself connect the dots quite yet. She’s still a little scared of the picture they might form.

Or, she’s not scared of what it might look like, but what it could mean for her son. Her weird, brilliant, caring son who would never hurt a fly. She knows that the world is not always kind to the weird and caring.

She throws a look into the rear view mirror. Dan is also deeply invested in whatever’s on his phone screen.

They’re really not fooling anyone.

“You excited for Christmas, Dan?” she asks. Dan looks up from his phone.

“Yes, who isn’t,” he says with a timid smile. “My Nan makes these really good gingerbread cookies that everyone looks forward to all year.”

“Well that sounds lovely. It’s nice to spend time with the family too, isn’t it?”

Kathryn doesn’t miss how something sad flies over his expression.

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan says, and looks out the window.

She decides to not pry further. He’s been reluctant to talk about his family every time he’s been here and she doesn’t want to push him away by asking too much. She has a feeling he might be a prominent feature in Phil’s life now, and therefore Kathryn’s.

They reach the train station and she parks the car. She gives Dan a big hug goodbye, an extra tight one. She also sticks him a Tupperware box of sandwiches for the train, she just can’t help it. You’d think he never ate, with how his trousers always seem to be falling off.

Kathryn watches Dan and Phil walk away towards the platform side by side. Phil is carrying Dan’s bag over his shoulder, always a gentleman.

She’s just about to get back into the car to wait for Phil to return when she sees her old friend Anne at the other end of the platform. She hasn’t seen her in months, so she walks over to say hello.

They talk a little, catching up and making promises to see each other properly soon, until the train rolls into the station. Anne says goodbye and gathers her things to board the train, going to visit her brother over Christmas.

As Kathryn turns to walk back towards the parking lot, she sees Dan and Phil across the platform saying goodbye. They’re standing close, looking at each other. Dan has his fingers on Phil’s sleeve, gently fiddling with the fabric between his fingers. 

Then Phil pulls Dan into a hug so tight Kathryn can feel it from where she’s standing. It’s squeezing her heart so tight she feels like something might burst.

That’s her boy over there, saying goodbye to someone he loves. There’s no mistake about it. 

She can see it in Phil’s hands gripping onto Dan’s body like it’s the only thing keeping him above water. She can see it in how he lays his head on Dan’s shoulder, eyes shut. She can see it in their knees bumping together, because they have to be close in every way possible.

Dan adjusts his grip around Phil and holds on for a moment more, before giving his cheek a quick peck and letting go. His hand lingers in Phil’s for a second, until he lets go, picks up his bag and boards the train.

Phil is left on the platform, walking along the train, presumably following where Dan is walking to his seat on the inside of the train.

Kathryn has seen enough. In fact, it feels like she’s seen more than she should have.

She has just witnessed a very intimate moment between her youngest son (albeit not so young anymore) and the person he loves. The boy he loves. 

Phil is in love with a boy.

It’s not like she hasn’t seen it coming. She’s suspected it for years, but they’ve never talked about it. She’d mentioned it a couple of times to Nigel of course, voicing her concern, but his stance was always that the should cross that bridge when, or if, they got there.

Seeing them together like this makes it so much more real. They’ve reached the bridge.

She gets into the car and pulls down the sun shade, checking herself in the mirror to make sure that she doesn’t look like someone who has just seen something they shouldn’t. She feels like she just had a bucket of ice water thrown over her, but thankfully it doesn’t show. 

The reflection is just the regular same Kathryn. Maybe she has a couple of more wrinkles and a few more grey hairs than last christmas, but it’s still her own eyes looking back.

She’s still the same person. Phil is still the same person. Nothing has actually changed. She just knows him a little bit better now.

Phil opens the car door and sits down in the passenger seat. He’s already typing something on his phone.

“Did Dan make the train alright?” she asks as she backs out of the parking spot.

“Yeah,” Phil responds, keeping his eyes on the phone screen. His voice sounds gentle but sad. 

Kathryn reaches over and gives his knee a quick squeeze.

“You’ll see each other at new years, won’t you? It will go so fast you won’t even notice.”

Phil looks over to her then, a strange expression on his face.

“We will,” he says. “But I think I will notice.”

She just smiles at him.

The dots have been connected. But the picture doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a kudos or a comment, or [reblog on tumblr](https://kavat.tumblr.com/post/190346710387/and-i-know-the-yearning-will-always-remain) if you like.


End file.
